Now imagine: Mr. Met, his permanent smile traded in for a sneer, stepping onto the diamond while the boos of 40,000 people rain down on him. Mr. Met soaks it in like Hollywood Hogan entering the ring; he places his hand to the stitches where his ear should be and leans into the wall of noise.
Mr. Met goes to the edge of the stands and knocks a child’s nachos out of his hands. More boos. He feigns an apology and pantomimes making it up to the aggrieved crowd. He raises a T-shirt cannon and fires several T-shirts into the crowd. In lieu of firing the last shirt into the stands, Mr. Met unfolds it to reveal what all of the shirts say: YOU SUCK. He doubles over in mirth.
Mr. Met’s entrance music draws boos from the fans before they even see him. He zooms onto the field on a four-wheeler and blasts the bleachers with a Super Soaker. He kicks dirt on home plate then pretends to spank the umpire when the ump bends over to dust it off.
When a man proposes to his girlfriend on the jumbotron, Mr. Met shows up with roses and tries to win her over. When she chooses her boyfriend, he falls down and beats his fists on the ground.
The Tigers have been consistent, sure, but if you want stars? It’s the Phillies’ and Yankees’ world, and all we can do is be super jealous about how awesome their second basemen have been over the last few years.
This shouldn’t be a surprise, really, when you remember Chase Utley and Robinson Cano. Of the 12 seasons in which a second baseman cracked that magical 8-WAR barrier, half of them came from those two (with three each). In addition to those MVP-caliber seasons, the Phillies also had nine starting-caliber seasons and three All-Star seasons.